Truth, Subject to Change

Truth is fluid. What is true at 9:00 may change by noon. What I know on Sunday may be refuted by come Wednesday.This is my truth as it stands today.

The truth is that I haven’t felt beautiful, by any stretch of the imagination, in eighteen days. Yes, I am counting; tallying my whens help me pinpoint my whys.

The truth is that lately, no matter how many times Mommy clicks her tongue and calls me Gorgeous Girl, I still shun the mirror and hide from any threat of a photo. The truth is that beauty is an inside job. I can have co-conspirators, praising my pictures and complimenting my countenance, but in order to be beautiful, I have to do the inner work.

The truth is that I have dishonorable intentions about transitioning to cheaganism. I care less about animals and more about how I look and feel sans meat & dairy.

The truth is, being a cheagan, I can finally say I like my coffee how I like my men: black and sweet (and occasionally Colombian).

The truth is that I wasn’t that busy last night, I just preferred my own company. Your voice couldn’t compare to my memory foam mattress or the sound of Mother Morrison reading God Bless The Child so I chose my solitude over you and I’d likely do it again.

The truth is that rejection has been the spinach of my 20’s: hard to swallow but boy has it made me strong. 

The truth is that I’m self destructive in different ways on different days. Last week I ate two grapefruits with a cut inside my lip. Yesterday I allowed myself to think “if I died tomorrow, you’d be sorry.”

The truth is that I’m no murderer, but I’m no saint either. I never wanted to kill him, I kind of hoped he would just…die. And if, by chance, the earth were to open up and swallow just one man forever, my vote would be for him.

The truth is that Olivia Pope doesn’t have my number. She won’t be calling with a succinct “it’s handled.” Whatever the issue, I’m going to have to lace up my boots and handle it myself.

The truth is that it sometimes sucks to be the strong one. When you’re the strong one, everyone knows you’ll find a way to be alright

That’s it for now. I just wanted you to hear it from me. The truth, the current truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.