The Book Of Sister-lations: Price Proverbs about sisterhood

Sisterhood feels like that late-night, eyes-tight, head-shaking giggle, when you remember once again that your sibling is a damn fool. It’s the last good feeling you have before you drift off to sleep: comfortable, content, secure, and safe. It’s sacred, and esoteric, and true as a proverb, and I can’t be grateful enough to experience it. You’d think I’d grow tired of writing about sisterhood. “How many ways can she spin this topic?” You ask. You groan, roll your eyes, and read on, because you know, like I do, that you can never exhaust a sisterhood like mine. Even if, by some knife-twist of fate, our relationship became desiccated, I could write about the vapor that once was a solid “us”.

This is the fun post. The calm between the storms. The post designed to break up all the morbid candor I may or may not be about to unleash on this blog in the coming weeks. My sister’s birthday was a week ago and I couldn’t let the occasion pass without some sort of celebration. To get this post you’d have to understand the Bible…and what it’s like to be a Price sister. Essentially, this is what it would sound like if Moses & them got together to write a few verses about us.

1. Let she who is without drama cast the first side-eye.
2. Turn Ye to your sister, who will stretch out your shoes with a wider foot.
3. Take what thou wilst from thy sister’s closet, for she oweth you her life.
4. Scar anywhere on her body, but scratch not your sister’s face.
5. The girl is my sister, I shall not punch. She maketh me to lie down with a cold Corona. She leadeth me through the next Gossip Girl. She restoreth my soul.
6. Waste not your eggs on the wrong harlot’s car. But go forth in the night and stalk patiently the correct woman, spreading eggs and syrup across her vinyl top, that your name (and your sister’s, and her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend’s) may be known in all the land.
7. And in the same manner she took the stick of gum which she had snuck, saying, “Take, eat. This I stole from mommy’s purse for you.”
8. For she so loved her sister, that she flew through the air to attack a grown man, and make the declaration that whosoever bring harm to her sister shall perish and she will do 25 to life.  
9. Take no interest in who you may become without her. For you are cut from the same cloth, yet fashioned into different garments. In the way that the seamstress makes both a sleeve and a collar, this world receiveth not one without the other.  
10. And Ro shall bring forth a birthday post. And we shall call this post fashionably late, though we knowest that Ro has strayed far from fashion, and errs more on the side of hot mess.

Happy belated, Beebz.