On This Day In HerStory

July 14, 2013, the dénouement of a wild ride—from swimming in final undergrad assignments, papers, and exams to drowning in drinks, from crying after my aunt’s chemotherapy to crying over her casket, from being absolutely certain that I would fail my final semester to walking across the George Mason University stage as the first in my immediate family to receive a bachelor’s degree (with honors!). Way up and way down was the way of track. Then, all of a sudden, there was no more track for this rollercoaster and we went crashing.

*Sigh* “I have to do everything for you,” Jesus said, as he fixed my life. Again.

I don’t remember how I got there. I just remember being on my knees, dancing with the threat of an anxiety attack. Trembling, sweating, and crying, I made an audacious deal. I told God, straight up: “Lord, either You take my life, or I will.”

The change that came over me in that room on that summer afternoon is unparalleled to any I have ever felt before in my entire life.

Today I celebrate three years of an inability to hate myself, for I cannot hate that which is not my own. There have still been rough times, dark days, and even darker nights. Times when I don’t give myself any credit or love myself the way I want to be loved. Being renewed does not exempt me from the trials of life. Today I celebrate my ability to love, to forgive, to serve, to give, to feel.

Over the last few months I’ve seen my writing drift away from that of God and what He has done for my life. I’ve seen people praise my journey and how far I’ve made it just in this year. I have accomplished and fulfilled far beyond what I’ve envisioned for 2015 and I don’t want there to be any question about how I got here. God. How I got over, under, around and through? God. He has saved my life. And He thought I was so nice he redeemed me twice. I became love and joy. I had patience. I experienced peace.

In two days, when the birthday wishes roll in, and people credit me for my beautiful spirit, my generosity, my huge heart, I don’t want there to be any confusion. I don’t want there to be any question. I don’t want there to be any uncertainty. I want to give God the byline for His story and the glory for His masterpiece.

Be blessed!