Hot Tea & Humble Pie

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, I chanted until I realized that I lacked the urge to cry at all. Instead, while my (now former) boss droned on, a surge of infectious relief spread from my heart to my face turning me into a cheesing little fool by the time he said “you’re free to go.” Daisy Buchanan would be proud.

My boss had said it himself; I was free. Truth be told, I was miserable at that job and should have left it long ago.

The first time I felt that God was telling me to leave my job I was at my desk and things weren’t horrible, I was simply making it through each day. “No way,” I said, “I’m hearing Him wrong. I’ll stick through it. I’ll make it.”

The second, third, and fourth times, I was over it. I was over the menial tasks and the way I was being treated. Here I’ll elect to pass on the opportunity to badmouth my former boss. Whatever I say will speak more about my character than it ever will about his. Either way, I stayed at a job I didn’t love and stuck it out. Note to you: free yourself from the thought that you need to stay in a place where you are unhappy. Then free yourself from that place.

I have a bad habit of staying. I’ve stayed in a meeting that went over, knowing that my time was valuable and I was late to my next appointment. I’ve stayed in toxic “friendships.” I’ve stayed in a dead relationship.

At that job, I was leaning on to a false sense of security in the form of dental insurance, a steady paycheck, and titles like “full-time.” People kept telling me what a blessing it was to have the job. So I thanked God every day and suppressed the fact that I was so undeniably lost and unhappy. Instead of trusting in God to work it out, I made my own plans. I would quit in 2015 after I had the next thing lined up. God didn’t really want me to go out on a limb and mess up all I had, right? All kinds of wrong.

So what happens to our blundering heroine? She’s kind of in a dark place. But she knows in her heart that it will be more than all right. She’s been pushed out on that limb. But she knows that worry and trust can’t coexist in her heart. So, she’s chosen trust. She’s chillin’— with the reflection of hot tea and the repentance of humble pie.

In the contemplation of the past few days, I found that the job I held was just a distraction. I had asked God to shake up the sediments of my life so that I could move forward, and –won’t He do it!—He did just that. Now that I’m naked without the cloak of a busy schedule, I am face to face, once again with a few of my demons.

Some days I barely rise, with nothing to grasp onto but my trust in God. I trust Him because He has yet to fail me. I trust Him because He knows me. He knew that if it were up to me, I‘d never quit my job on my own, I’d never voluntarily unearth my demons, I’d never publicly share my struggles. He knows I’m hard-headed and stubborn and that sometimes all I need is a flick on the forehead and for Him to serve me up some down home hot tea & humble pie.

Don’t be like me; don’t wait for someone else to set you free. Keep trusting, keep praying, keep praising – even through the worst of circumstances. Hasn’t failed me yet.