Any Title But “A Love Story”

Would you believe that after everything, I spent this morning feeling like I don’t have a story?  Would you believe that some fool (me) had the nerve to tell one of the greatest storytellers I know (also me) that I, Roco Price, don’t possess anything worth sharing?

The sun shined for the first time in two days this morning, and instead of shining with it, I made myself believe that I don’t have a story. Not a good one. Not a deserving one.

Because I’ve never flown the coop. Because I’ve never done it on my own. Because I haven’t failed miserably enough to make a beautiful mess or recuperated quickly enough to call it a miraculous recovery. Because I haven’t won soon enough, crashed hard enough, or burned brightly enough. Because I didn’t lose enough, gain enough, cry enough, or trust enough for any good story to unfold.

Because no one has ever built a gingerbread house with me for the holidays. Because I’ve never been kissed under fireworks, or after after the clock struck 12 on a new year. Because, I’ve barely been kissed at all.

I spent this morning feeling like I don’t have a story because I can’t tell you about the time he showed up at my apartment unannounced with tulips, because there is no he, or apartment to speak of, and Angie is the only one who’s ever brought me tulips.

Because I’ve never opened my heart or my legs fully enough for any him to fit. Because the only time I’ve ever called his name all night long was Valentines Day. A day I spent mostly alone, waiting, repeating his full name to every front desk attendant at every hospital and police station in and around Prince William County. And even though he was “sorry” and had been “sleeping” I opted to burn the rest of that evening driving around my childhood neighborhood because I couldn’t take all of my steam and embarrassment home.

Somehow I spent the morning feeling like I don’t have a story.

But right here, right now I relinquish that feeling. And maybe I’m uncovering a little love story within. For now there’s still no him. In fact there’s only one character (me). And she falls in love with the most brilliant, passionate, selfless person she’s ever known (also me).

 

Share your stories, love yourselves, love your stories, share yourselves.